Being a caregiver is demanding. Sometimes overwhelming. And sometimes? Extremely gratifying.
It can be an emotional roller coaster. For instance, one woman described it as being in “Dementia Prison” with her mother. Another, who cared for a husband whose condition demanded 24 hour care told me, “but I love him so much.”
Many people who are dealing with their loved one’s condition alone often feel drained and exhausted. Being constantly tired and depleted of positive energy can lead to chronic depression.
So, you may ask, what are the positive aspects of this care giving journey?
Consider this: This week, my friend’s only child, her thirty-four year old son, Shaun, died suddenly and unexpectedly.
He had a stellar career in Ottawa, working with the Prime Minister and cabinet members. His portfolios included the Yukon and the three territories. People who knew and worked with him describe him as a gentle, incredibly knowledgeable, go-to guy if you had questions, or needed assistance.
At this young age, he had run campaigns for MPs and provided research for political speech makers. He made and kept his friends: those from university, from campaigning, from his work in Ottawa and from his home in Vancouver, on the West Coast.
This brilliant, considerate and loving young man is no longer with us. Because his passing was completely unanticipated, there was no time to say goodbye, to make a final connection, to reach out to him, or for him to reach out to others. In an instant he was gone, and with him, that cherished light in his mother’s life.
Yes, care giving is demanding; sometimes depressing, sometimes exasperating while at other times hopeful and surprisingly rewarding. But above all, attending to our loved ones, and on occasion our not-so-loved-ones, affords us the time to reflect, and upon reflection the possibility of re-configuring our relationships.
The gift of time is precious. It allows us to say goodbye. It is an opportunity for closure for both ourselves and our loved ones.