Asperger’s | Caregiver Me

Some days? As a caregiver, I confess I’m a lot more housekeeper than bedsitter.

I do believe that cleanliness is important when someone is chronically ill. And I like order. Order calms me. And I feel it adds to the patient’s feeling of serenity when his surroundings are clean and organized.

And, being a caregiver, I don’t get to do much walking, exercising, playing games these days. I like the movement in washing floors, folding laundry, sweeping.

I asked my friend, Alma Vaugeois about this. Alma, a clinical counsellor, told me that’s one reason some people may find comfort in housekeeping tasks.

There’s a release of physical tension, Alma, also a Yoga instructor, noted. Your body’s moving, stretching, reaching.

I confessed to Alma that I had been washing the tile floors on my hands and knees ever since I found out that doing so made me stiff and sore.

To me this means those muscles need to be used, I said in my Asperger’s way, so now I make a point of extending my arms and torso, really working them when I wash the floors. Alma nodded.

My kids think I’m crazy, I added.

Alma laughed. Housework is very physical, she said. And you can focus completely on the task on hand. This is mentally freeing as well. So for you, doing the floors or doing any housework gives you both a physical and mental release.

I have always liked the feeling of a clean and tidy home; polished furniture, clean kitchen, flowers on the table. But after talking to Alma about it? I’m going to enjoy the pleasure I now know they give me.

The important thing to remember and honour? Is how much Chris wants me by his side. As things get closer to the end, I know I’ll be doing less housework and more bed sitting.

To learn more about Alma Vaugeois, please go to:

www.almavaugeois.com

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

It’s loving him that kills me.

I remember when he had his first heart attack twenty years ago, I was scared stiff. Scared he’d die when he had so much to live for. Scared I’d be without him.

I kept telling myself, If I can just get him home, just be in bed beside him again tonight, everything will be all right.

It hasn’t been perfect. We’ve had our ups and downs. But even with this final blow, we’re still together. Thirty years and counting. Still happy to see each other.

And, Asperger’s or not, snuggling together at night is still the very best part of my day.

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

Caregiver Me

Category Archives: Asperger’s

Caregiver More Housekeeper or Bedsitter?

A Caregiver with Asperger’s? How Does That Work?

I was born with Asperger’s so that I had markedly different ideas and behaviours from the average girl,

In my book, Unforgiving, Memoir of an Asperger’s Teen, I talk about how frustrating it was, growing up in the 60’s when the syndrome was unknown.

I spent my whole life hearing that what I said or thought or how I reacted to situations was ‘wrong’. And maybe it was.

When I married Chris, we had problems, the same, I like to think, as any other couple.

I worried about saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing. Being the wrong person.

Even more so, now that his health is so fragile.

I’m sure others caring for their loved ones must feel the same, Asperger’s or not.

But that out-spokeness is helpful at times, too. Sometimes it is exactly what the situation calls for. I can face these times. I want to know. I ask questions, probe, push a little. Sometimes a lot.

So people look at me like Where do you get the nerve?

That’s okay. People have looked at me like that all my life. I need answers. Chris needs answers. I’m willing to stick my neck out to get them.

It’s loving him that kills me.

I remember when he had his first heart attack twenty years ago, I was scared stiff. Scared he’d die when he had so much to live for. Scared I’d be without him.

I kept telling myself, If I can just get him home, just be in bed beside him again tonight, everything will be all right.

It hasn’t been perfect. We’ve had our ups and downs. But even with this final blow, we’re still together. Thirty years and counting. Still happy to see each other.

And, Asperger’s or not, snuggling together at night is still the very best part of my day.

Yours truly,

Margaret Jean.

This Caregiver’s Journal began in August of 2014. Although the first blog article was actually written on New Year’s Day, 2015, the rest are in chronological order from August 5th, 2014. What is written here has gone before.